I could probably write a blog about each one of these individually, but you will come to know that I love lists. Efficient ways to distribute information make my day. So here is a list of style faux-pas that give me the willies:
1. Full seat underwear when wearing tight pants. Buy a thong. The end.
2. Mid-calf bridesmaid dresses. This style, while popular in the 50’s, makes short girls look shorter, makes heavy girls look heavier and makes tall girls look like their dress is too short. If you love your girlfriends, step away from this silhouette.
3. Baby T’s. They belong to babies. Please give them back.
4. Grey nail polish. I know it is all the rage right now, but I think it looks like it belongs on Six Feet Under. I am a French manicure girl (pretty much always) so maybe I am conservative here, but somehow a shade of polish one could call “corpse” doesn’t do it for me.
5. Pillbox hats. Unless you are working on my elevator and/or are carrying my bags in a hotel, a pillbox hat should not be on your radar (I can feel Isabella Blow’s death stare).
6. Sweater sets. I don’t know why I hate them, but I do. There is something so match-y and stuffy to them that it makes my skin crawl. Maybe it is because it reminds me of every female authority figure I have ever encountered (nannies, teachers, principals, attorneys). I have worn a sweater set, but I didn’t like it.
7. Bras for the well-endowed. What color-genius decided that the only colors women with large breasts wear are beige and black? Are they color-blind? Do they hate the large-breasted? Most of these bras are hideous and if they aren’t hideous (thanks for trying Victoria Secret) well then they make a chest look like a rocket launch-pad, or have as much support as a bra made out of Kleenex and some floss. Try custom made for better style and try a Wacoal minimizer if you don’t mind a limited color-palette, but are dying for a better shape.
8. Jersey Dresses. Now this is one with a caveat. You see, I have a friend with an amazing figure. AW puts on a jersey dress and it rocks the house, but unless you have AW’s buns of steel, these dresses are a hot mess. They show everything and forgive nothing. Unfortunately, they are on every shelf of every retailer from here to Mumbai and are worn by all walks of life, not just the tight ones.
9. Men’s pointy shoes. Somehow, someone didn’t get the memo. I see men wearing shoes that make them look like they are straight out of a scene in the Lord of the Rings/the Lord of the Dance. Unless you want a part as an extra, do us all a favor and lose the point-shoes.
10. Leg Warmers. Okay, now this one isn’t really true. I love leg warmers. I love that they bring me back to my Flashdance days and make me want to run in place really fast. But, alas, that love should be kept private (except of course on Halloween and at Bachelorette parties, where all bets are off).
So, this is the tip of the style-iceberg. I welcome feedback, and am constantly reminded that what I like isn’t what the rest of the world likes. Taste is a funny thing, and as my Pops would say: there is no accounting for it.
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